Hi Ken,
I awoke thinking about our conversation/Skype yesterday. Obviously,
I see the cream of our relationship rising to the top of the milk. Yet I
see two significant areas that are curdling before we have met in person.
Nothing too clever or insightful on my part--you pointed out what we both saw.
I thought, however, that I would attempt to put words to it today.
Like you, I see a great deal of commonality between us. Individual
passions such as music/ art/ writing, valuing intimate unconditionally loving
relationships, priority for self exploration and hence self awareness and the
resulting ease, self-love and acceptance leading to happiness, a delight in the
art of conversation and philosophising, well-developed listening skills, deep
curiosity, appreciation and the continual drive to explore and learn.
This is no small package and I've yet to describe it fully. But I will
stop here.
What caught my attention acutely this morning upon awakening after pondering
and talking about our conversation last evening with a close male friend were
two things. One that concerns you deeply about our differences--your
science-based and my metaphysical/spiritual (I make no differentiation between
the divine, hence "above the physical" and God) perspective and how
this might be the yardstick by which I make my life decisions. And the
other which I did not share fully with you, but what puts concern in my heart
and mind is health—how to achieve, maintain and thrive. I choose a
wholistic natural methodology and you choose allopathy and prescription drugs.
We both have obviously equally viable and fundamental concerns that surfaced
immediately upon getting a slightly deeper glimpse of one another beyond that
initial Skype in 2016. The chemistry was obvious for me then and again
yesterday. And I sensed it was for you as well. Yes, I am taken by your impish handsome smile
and feel at ease in conversation with you. And sense a great deal of interest
to engage more.
However, these two fundamental
differences continue to be present in our exchanges. They are truly
significant to both of us. And I ponder, perhaps differences we cannot or
should not compromise. And yet, how is it possible then to move forward with
full acceptance of one another?
I sense from what you say, that you are a man fully capable of loving deeply,
spiritually. And you spoke about a willingness to change when in a meaningfully
committed relationship. Change when necessary. Yet that is the
importance here. Is it possible with fundamental belief systems, yours
science-based, mine spirit-based, to find harmony and acceptance of one
another. The very differences and aspects that define our beings? That align who we are. Building blocks of our essences. Or are they?
Of course I think mine is. And I
sense you think yours is. Hence……well,
this is fundamental.
I know that each person has a limit to the extent they can change before their
change turns into self-sacrifice that erode into a loss of personal integrity.
When their own wholeness becomes the fuel for the fire that constitutes the
synergy of two lovers. Imploding. I experienced this and have learned the edges of
my soul. And understand both emotionally and physically what mental and
emotional conflict will do to the body. I know this to be true of all
illness of the mind and body--we are sensitive creatures, thankfully. It
allows us the beauty of being so loving and compassionate. And offers us a gift to see our malalignments
if and when such happens. And the
possibility to adjust and realign.
I know that my desire to explore new avenues unfolding in a relationship is
great. I enter into a committed relationship with complete
willingness and commitment to explore with ruthless honesty to myself and the
other. That when I commit I am loyal, devoted and trusting. And
trustworthy.
I am here to evolve in this lifetime
into a higher spiritual vibrational being, day-by-day—with unconditional love
at the pinnacle of this lifetime journey.
I came to understand reincarnation through this. From a young age, I sought wisdom. Not understanding the meaning that request
from the Universe could render.
Today, after standing repeatedly in the
eye of the storm, so-to-speak, unflinchingly, unwavering, I do not intend to
reincarnate again. I have experienced
lifetimes through past life regression and can say today that my courage to
stand and acknowledge my own wild woman is profound. The heart and center of the raw unleashed
part of my humanness. It seems quite
unfathomable to die and have to come back yet again. I am ready to reach enlightenment in this
lifetime instead! :D
I have yet, as you know, spoken to the
actual areas of departure that became so vividly clear in not only yesterday’s
conversation, but in the previous ones.
Ken, to me, this relationship between
the two of us is not only about unconditional love, but it is about our
capacity as two individuals and how we each express this to one another. And if our own integrity is torn asunder in
our desire to reach that, then it is false and we have not entered into the
relationship correctly aligned.
In your science-steeped mind, a career
fully embracing the wisdom that the double blind study proves existence—of
everything with meaning, value, truth.
And the ethereal aspects, including the Divine, all outside that context,
I venture to challenge you on this exclusivity.
This compartmentalization.
And this, my entire singular point of
this long-winded essay. It will and
would always be between us as long as your science-based perspective embraces
the divisiveness that speaks to this exclusivity. In my embrace of the spiritual path, I
embrace oneness. The entire cosmos—our
interconnectedness without an hierarchical structure, but a linear one
representing equality rather than an pyramidal rise with overarching empirical
science at the top.
I see this difference always being at
the core of our conversations, as it is today.
Our philosophical differences in how we both walk in this lifetime. I suppose I could figure if I presented the
finest metaphor or discourse, I could change your perspective, but I wouldn’t
and couldn’t. That is the curious thing
about humans. We change when and only
when we are ready and choose to. It is an inside transformation, not an
external one. And I can assure you,
while I would enthusiastically engage repeatedly in philosophical
conversations, my need to change your perspective would not be anything but in
the art of debate and its engaging and mind-opening exchanges.
When the rules of discourse are fully
understood—and I am well aware that passion on both sides can lead to a few
knock downs and anger, when holding true to the basic tenants, I believe that respect
and admiration for the diversity of belief systems is possible.
I believe it was John Trudell, Native American author, poet, actor, musician, and political
activist. who stated that belief systems
divide. Ouch.
As a woman, thoroughly studied and
researched wholistic practitioner who holds health next to godliness—an
herbalist, homeopath, reflexologist, my body “my temple,” I walk this lifetime
using no allopathic medication and apply the wisdom I have accrued from ancient
healers whose cures work symbiotically with the human body—gently, respectfully
healing, bringing back harmonic vibrational homeostasis
to
our being.
When I engage in a committed
relationship I want my man as healthy and vibrant as I am—as he can be. I want him to choose to hone his senses to
their peak performance as I do mine. I
understand that the way to access our greater spiritual transformation begins
with balance—mental, emotional, physical.
I would ask him to consider embracing a
healing perspective that resulted in safe treatment without toxic side-effects
that allopathic medications present. To
seek complete health and not settle for chronic/mediocre. What
he ingests, so do I. And that would
trouble me.
As share with you, I know that I am
going through the rest of my life as Joan Erikson embraced, with all my senses
fully alive.
And I know that I desire this with my
lover, partner, friend, et al. For all
the obvious reasons – with the vigor we will need to engage fully in everything
we do—our mind, physical, emotional, and spiritual engagements together and
individually. This I know for myself,
underlies my sense of freedom—this is so important.
I apologize for this laborious
essay. If you have read thus far, perhaps
there is hope for us.
And I postulate, the issues of science
and its empirical nature vs the metaphysical divinatory ways in which I explore
will continue to be our gap, along with our differences in our direction of
healing modalities.
Change—the crux of shifting a posture—I
know that I am no doubt as certain as you are that how I walk in this lifetime
is as correct for me as how you walk is correct for you. That while I understand your posture, the
logic of science and its advancements, I do hold the spiritual/metaphysical
life as my path, the very lenses through which I see life unfolding. And that my health consciousness for my mind,
and body is the portal through which I access this.
Of course I would desire the same for
you. Change? Would you?
I see myself asking you to change.
Understanding the hugeness of this.
If you asked me to change, I could not. I would not. It would be akin to offering my life.
Yet I see that without one or the other
changing, each conversation would devolve into our strongly divested postures though
which we walk our paths in this life.
I do believe that you seek the same
spiritual awakening as I and along the way, to experience unconditional love
and a deeply loving relationship through which to express oneself fully. And that your way to it, unique to whom you
are, as mine is to whom I am.
Does any of this make sense to you,
Ken? I am not certain that I have
succeeded at all.
After writing this I looked in a
Chinese astrology book about you, born in the year of the Tiger, and me, the
year of the Dragon. And it said:
“Both colourful, action-loving personalities
who are basically sincere and well intentioned.
A shared idealism could unite them into a powerful team capable of
bulldozing any opposition with their dynamic ways. Each may constantly struggle for dominance,
but if the two of them can share the burdens and define their areas of
expertise they will achieve much together.
Mutual respect and cooperation can only follow if they worked hard to
resolve their differences right from the beginning.”
Most curious, do you think?
Smiles,
Kathleen
Kat
28 September 2018
